mumma yaga

 Feb. 23. 2024 "Here comes the sun." K's surgery went well. He was kept in the ICU overnight, just precautionary. He is very sore, but I am sure that he is feeling relieved. He has a very long road of recovery ahead, but I feel more confident than I have since his second fall. The surgery he had in Sherbrooke, Quebec, seems like a dark ages attempt compared to the work done yesterday. Yet I feel apprehensive. There is a tendency for any medical intervention to lead to more problems, even if the initial problem was corrected. At this point I am having trouble being optimistic.  One day at a time is the key. I took yesterday off. Rocky has been squirrelly, whining and fussing. In the field there are two dogs that are in heat and I wonder, since Rocky sniffs and scratches all around, and chases them about, if smelling their scent on his paws makes him want to go and find them. Of course the busy household and my frequent absences are also hard for him to deal with. So he and...

 Later on Feb. 21st: (...log, supplemental.) K is out of surgery. The surgeon said the procedure went as planned. Now, however, I am waiting to be allowed into the ICU to see K.  I am so relieved that it is over. It's rest and recovery, now. The weeks will go by fast. i can relax nd get on with life. I feel like I have my brain back! It has been running on periferal function for so long, I don't remember what normal mainframe function feels like!! MY

 Feb 21, 2024 We have been waiting eleven days for today. K has gone into surgery. Now I am waiting for the operation to be over. Then, we can begin the long journey to recovery. I am picturing K and I sitting on the vineyard porch in the early morning, coffee in hand, while Rocky investigates the latest messages under the witches. We plan to make it to the Estrie for the 8th of April to watch the solar eclipse.  Sunrise, April 8, 2021. After spending so many weeks in suspended animation, (as my dear friend, GM, put it!), I experienced a rush of emotion as they took K to the OR. The surgical assistant said the procedure would take about two hours. They are planning to take only some of the hardware out of K's leg and replacing the prosthetic hip joint with a longer one that will extend all the way down the femur. I am electrified with the suspense, having, it seems, only switched one "other universe" space for a different one. When will I find myself back on earth?  Mumma...

 Feb. 13, 2024   femur Snowdrops in the frost this morning: a previous note on my calendar shows snowdrops on March 11. *****  It is almost six months since K broke his hip, and had a partial replacement procedure done, in Sherbrooke, Quebec. We came home to Etobicoke in October for rehab. What I have not told you is that K had a second fall, in October, four months ago on the 8th, and broke his femur again, below the prosthetic, just as he was getting back to normal. It was too horrific to write about then, so I didn't. But the second break is why the doctors arranged for him to come to Toronto for rehabilitation. (The Sherbrooke doctors put a plate along the femur to support it until the bone healed. ) It was excellent, really, that the Quebec care providers arranged a transfer directly to St. Joseph's hospital who would arrange for rehab. In three days K was at West Park rehab, a place near us. He was five weeks there and then they sent him home. He was still having pa...

 Jan. 31, 2024 Winter starlings : In the fall, starlings change from dark brown to speckled, but with their short tails and their propensity to travel in large groups they are easy to identify. They chatter loudly and constantly, like a gathering of children in a schoolyard. We came home to Toronto this week. I was actually excited to be here, to see friends and family. The five weeks in Quebec felt like months and we felt rested and renewed by the break. There was snow and the fire, and the open space of the vineyard. It was quiet and peaceful. Rocky and I walk in the field twice daily. It keeps us in touch with nature, the sky, the trees and the wildlife. While many of the trees in the city are full and uniform in shape, since they are in tended gardens, this loner is in someone's back yard beside the hydro field. Its wild beauty draws my eye every day. In this tangle of tree and grapevine is a grey bird, which I could not clearly identify. It is either a gray jay or a mockingbir...

 January 13, 2024  It snowed. I kept the fire going, and I cooked black beans for scones, and fried mushrooms in soy sauce and maple syrup. A little maple syrup on the scones was heavenly. You can make scones with anything.  Elliot's lines kept coming to me. "At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless; Neither from nor towards; at the still point..." * I watched the snow falling; there was no yesterday, no tomorrow. It is bedtime, but I feel curiously awake. The snow has stopped now and there is a star in the sky. The lights of the town are visible, and headlights flash behind the trees down the distant hills. Mumma Yaga * Excerpt from BURNT NORTON (No. 1 of 'Four Quartets') by T.S. Eliot

January 4, 2024  One faces a task, without the will to do it. It may be as simple as the dishes, or as overwhelming as a tax form. Then out of the blue, the resistance is gone, and just as one falls into the space when the wall you are pushing against gives way, you fall into a void where "will" is no longer a need, indeed it is behind you. You accomplish the task, in that space of ability.  It started when I began to ready the house for a visit from Elf and her family. Rain helped and we cleaned the upstairs, vacuumed the main floor, and accomplished other preps. Elf cancelled, to have a day or two of complete rest at home. She has been performing six or seven shows a week for the last three weeks, with a couple of days off for Christmas. I was relieved, really, because there was much more to do and I was low on spoons. But the cleaning urge, indeed the cleaning, has continued. Mice have been wandering the tables where the blue cave and its bits await my attention, so the wh...

 December 29, 2023 Ten days since I have written. It feels like months since we returned to Quebec. It has been eleven days. Christmas came and went. I had dinner, on the 25th, at Rain's, though K, the hermit, stayed at the vineyard. Rain and Tal prepared a traditional dinner, turkey (one of the several they raised themselves), potatoes, carrots, beets, stuffing, and gravy, perfect. We sat six around the big wooden table in the kitchen, Tal's father, an old friend, and Tal's aunt. It was quiet and cheerful, warm as if candlelit, though there were no candles. The big woodstove kept us warm.  Fox slept through dinner. He woke just after we ate, and with his usual matter-of-fact acceptance of my presence, showed me his new toys. I was as delighted with them as he was! There were trains and cars and helicopters. I gave them voices, which delights Fox - he insists I make them "talk" some more. We put out numerous fires with the firetruck and helicopter, and rescued sev...

 I was looking for magic, in Toronto. Felt adrift in the flow of life these days. K continues to gain strength. He was back at #48 from rehab and we were adjusting to life withTamar's family. It was a struggle to move through my days without a compass, without knowing where the next month or year would see us. It is a challenge, too, living in the midst of a city after months on a hill by ourselves . I found magic, but I had to look carefully, because it was sometimes in small things. It was in the sunrises and settings too. The skies were always lovely and full of cloud and sun and moon. There are birds there too, as numerous as in the country. There were friends and neighbours too, which was very pleasant. We live a sheltered and hermit life in Quebec. So, yes, there were angels to be seen if you kept your eyes open.  Winter colours on bush and bramble.       On the sidewalk a print, from rain on a fallen leaf. Sunrises. The morning sun on the pylons. The...