240223 healing and gratefulness

 Feb. 23. 2024

"Here comes the sun."

K's surgery went well. He was kept in the ICU overnight, just precautionary. He is very sore, but I am sure that he is feeling relieved. He has a very long road of recovery ahead, but I feel more confident than I have since his second fall. The surgery he had in Sherbrooke, Quebec, seems like a dark ages attempt compared to the work done yesterday. Yet I feel apprehensive. There is a tendency for any medical intervention to lead to more problems, even if the initial problem was corrected. At this point I am having trouble being optimistic. 

One day at a time is the key. I took yesterday off. Rocky has been squirrelly, whining and fussing. In the field there are two dogs that are in heat and I wonder, since Rocky sniffs and scratches all around, and chases them about, if smelling their scent on his paws makes him want to go and find them. Of course the busy household and my frequent absences are also hard for him to deal with. So he and I are both had a quiet day. I gave him a sedative to calm him. He does not understand all this. I cannot find anything physically wrong with him; he enjoys his walks, is eating, and lets me pet him. I have felt him all over and can find no spot that is hurting him. 

My heart insists that I give thanks for this miracle of modern medicine and human care. I stopped each day, on my way to the elevators at St. Joseph's, at the statue of Jesus to ask him to take care of K. I am not a practicing christian but Jesus was a powerful, wise, and spiritual person. Perhaps his spirit is in the universe yet. I will make some ritual of thanksgiving - give back for the energy given, in the hands of the surgeons and nurses, in the vitality of the body that regenerates to live. 

I have been mindful of all those who have been in our shoes - who have faced surgery - and their spouses and families who have waited in anxious suspense (is that a redundancy?), to reach the farther shore. 

Rain has been here these two weeks and has been a blessing of support and love. It has been harder to be a grandmother to Fox with the cares on my mind but his innocent presence has sometimes been a healthy counterpoint for the stress. Rain is a rock - I don't know how she is such a wise, giving, strong person. She is one of those people you imagine must be an old soul, to bring so much more to the world than any one lifetime can produce. She and Fox head for home today. 

*****

The weather is warm again, feeling like spring. The trouble is that the warmth is underwrittten by the climate change crisis we are facing, so that the pleasure of a spring-like day is edged in a black shadow.

Mumma Yaga