mumma yaga

Feb. 2  I said that I would let the universe bring me my dog. I pushed the river a little, let my community know that I was looking for a dog, told my real estate person, the county facebook page. But I stopped looking at Petfinder. I stopped googling bouvier puppies. I wanted to rescue someone who could rescue me right back. I did not want to stress about it, I trusted that it would happen, the right dog, the right time. * The universe has acted. This is Rocky, I kept his own name - a new name may evolve, but I am letting that be for now. He is nine and I felt it might be a disservice to his past to change it now, though a name is much more significant to me than to him. His life as Rocky has been happy and he learned in those years what he now brings to this relationship. I wanted my companion to be a personal support dog, at my side at all times (I am retired and home 24/7), knowing not to knock me down or pull me with the leash, to sit quietly by me, sleep by me, to listen to m...

 Jan. 9 The raven flew across the meadow going east, overtaking me as I walked east, myself, towards the house. I laughed when I could suddenly see that I was flying, I was the raven flying, though I never left my own body, I was still the one walking.  I saw the long chain of life going down the deep deep well of time to the one-celled mud dwellers who first came to life under our sun. When the raven flies, we fly. We are of the sun, we are born of this planet - its life, its consciousness, its expression of being.  So what does it mean that we are destroying our planet's ability to keep us alive? We are not destroying its life, we have seen that life has always found a way past meteor strikes, ice ages, volcanoes. But humanity? We are definitely destroying the planet's ability to keep humans alive.  "In the year 7510 If God's a coming, He oughta make it by then Maybe He'll look around Himself and say Guess it's time for the judgment day In the year 8510 God i...

Oct. 27 Now and then the wind picks up the leaves for a little dance. They swirl like the snow devils to come. (Wallace Stevens) * It was when I said, "I will not be afraid any more." that the pain got worse! For two days I was much worse again. That's why the poem came to mind. "It was when I said" kept knocking. I didn't know that I was afraid. I am not sure if I can say what I was afraid of, and I suspect that I am afraid again. The way the nerve pain returned for those days without any abatement, the way pains come and go randomly in random places: it is all so unpredictable. There is so much I want to be doing and should be doing; I don't know when I will be able to or even perhaps if. There, that's a scary one. It is also clear to me now that we can't go home again to 48, not the way things are, and this is not our permanent home, yet if ever. Yes, that's a scare. I don't remember feeling so uncertain of my future that I was afraid....

 August 6, Friday Early morning, the sun has just risen. I gave up trying to sleep, sat on the porch, and watched the stars all night. I saw one falling, and there were faint flashes high in the atmosphere - heat lightning? Haven't seen it before in my life so far away or so high in the sky.  A couple of late fireflies flashed earthbound on the lawn. At three in the morning an owl who-whoo'd. Silver linings faint in a night sleepless and in pain. I went to see a physiotherapist yesterday. He said that my whole back and abdomen were in spasm from some initial trigger which has been allowed to progress from bad to worse over the last two weeks. The exercises were helpful and I begin to hope that this may finally resolve itself. It continues to seem like another or further gross overreaction of my body to something which should not have caused so much stress. A smoky haze shrouds the hills, while across Ontario and Manitoba wildfires burn out of control. ***** August 7, Saturday ...

June 30 Butter-and-eggs is one of my favorite meadow flowers, their charming name and tiny white and yellow snap-dragon florets.They remind me of my mother. But then most wildflowers invoke her presence. I have been unable to write since the 20th of June. Today I have been on the porch watching a rainstorm cross the valley. The hummingbird stopped to have some sips - he or she comes by a dozen times a day. I hear her humming, too loud for an insect, too musical, so I stop moving and let her feed. She is not afraid though I am six feet from her, but if I move or make a noise she will be off. There is at least a pair, perhaps a second pair. They don't have labels and I often can't even tell which sex it is - only once or twice have I seen its red throat. So I sit still and wonder what the mind of a hummingbird is like. What is she conscious of? What is she thinking? ***** We can hear the church bell in Mansonville ring the hours if we are outside.  ***** I feel mindless, perhaps ...

 Apr. 12 The sky is turning pink along the south hills. (I was up today before the dawn.) A Ruffed Grouse is drumming on the ridge. Sounds like a gas generator starting up. And a woodpecker is knocking. A skein of geese went over, honking.  I seemed to have a lot to do yesterday. My father, after he retired, used to say he didn't know how he found time to go to the office! I did some laundry, loving the laundry butter *, which gets the clothes clean with very little suds. Of course the dirt is cleaner, no pollution or city dirt. No dryer, so softener, just pure water and sunshine and clean air for drying.  Each week I cook a batch of beans. Yesterday it was two pounds of chickpeas, soaked overnight then cooked for one hour. They are still a bit firm, but if you cook them another ten minutes, they start to lose their exquisite flavour, nutty, with butternut squash notes, tasting pinky-gold. I reserve some of the broth and freeze it in small amounts for soup and for adding ...

 Apr. 10 The first vulture to appear over our meadow arrived on the 31st. of March. Yesterday, K saw a pair. I hope it was our original with a mate! Perhaps they will come and live here! After the last snow, April's fools' joke, Robins began to show up in ones and twos, then a flock of a hundred and more blew across the lawn - I have never seen Robins in a flock before - just arriving in town! I can only tell Ravens from Crows by their voice. The Ravens are larger with bigger beaks, but they won't come and stand beside a Crow while I am looking at it!  The other night just at dusk a woodpecker was knocking on the ridge, and I heard a Ruffed Grouse drumming! Haven't ever heard one, or seen one for that matter! They beat their wings against their sides to create a thump from the sudden expulsion of air.  Also this week, two Dark-eyed Juncos came to peck about the apron (where the car parks), then a couple of days later there were ten or more all about the lawn, eating bug...

 Feb. 26          Covid Day 353       This is a pandemic. "No one said it would be easy. No one said it'd be this hard." * It is harder for us grown-ups than for the children perhaps. A child takes life as it comes. It is what it is. Consider this: Charles Darwin studied barnacles for eight years in his family's home. "When George [Darwin's son] visited a friend ... and was told his friend's father did not have a study, he asked incredulously: 'But where does your father do his barnacles?' "** But you can't stop there and let things be. Children need security, hugs, love. They need to learn to trust the world, and themselves, to know that there is no problem they cannot tackle. Let's change things up. Think outside the toy box.  Hugs: minimum three a day - that goes for every human, child and adult alike. If you are lucky enough to live in a multi-person household, put hugs on the house to-do list. Hang a posy of cedar and juniper, or...