mumma yaga

 Dec. 24 Storm blew in Friday. Ontario and Quebec friends are on the same page. It is sweeping across from the west, it seems. The wind, which had let up a little during Saturday has now picked up again There is a big hawk that lives around here. We saw her Thursday, sitting in a tree for a long time, and stood and waited, but she just sat. (That is her in the picture below.) I have heard the cooper's cacking almost every day, and I am sure it is her that we are seeing. Today I saw her fly overhead, white underparts and white under the wing, with a dark leading edge. I cannot identify her further, it has been dull and grey and I have not my binoculars around my neck. When do I ever have them with me? They live on a ledge by the patio, at Blind Dog Hill, in the Estrie. So, I think it must be her, a giant cooper's matriarch, she may have lived around here for years. If anyone knows better what this might be, do speak up. She is so big. But the female cooper's may reach 20 or

 Dec. 21 Gingerbread castle: This year, for my traditional Christmas gingerbread, I decided to be brave and try a castle. I found a picture, on-line, of a castle which is not rectangular, and has many towers ( Eltz Castle, Germany ). I used it as inspiration. I made a paper pattern, using grid-lined paper, and remembered to mark the one that needed two opposing positions, so that the upper surface of each would face outwards. The other pieces were all reversible. I owe a big thank you to Indre for her suggestion of Toblerone ramparts. They really bring the castle to life with their regularity. The mini sugar cones and the large candy sticks are two ideas that I have had in mind for many years. I have been wanting to do a castle for ages! There is a bear (animal cracker) sneaking along behind the castle, and on the other side, a mountain lion. ***** Christmas brings out the child in us. Perhaps that is why I started making fairy tale gingerbreads. Here is Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

bear i have decided to be a bear come november turn from the world go away into the forest climb high, find a cave and hide. i wish i had brown fur  all over me and claws hard to see among the dead leaves and tree trunks claws  and teeth to frighten nosy neighbours. i wish i was a bear no one would be surprized that i am grumpy and want to be left alone during the cold months. in spring i could wake up and metamorphose human once again  stretch my naked arms to the watery april sun wake early wet my feet in the dew linger late by the lake and watch the sunset long after dinner longer in summer. my, 1996 Note: I did not always love winter! It can be long and grey, in Toronto. 

 Dec. 14 The hydro field where Rock and I walk: this morning, dark and windy. I love Toronto's winter weather! It is so bleak. When one has a dog, one is out for a walk every day, and learns to dress for it: the secret of liking winter! Rocky is not a big fan of rain or snow. He will actually stay in the house while I go out to the garden, rather than get his feet wet. Today's rain/snow at four pm.  Rocky says, "I am not going out there!" ***** I am busy all day and fall into bed, asleep before the second sudoku is solved. Rocky needs walks and time with me, and K and I need food: shopping and preparation. The french use "la nourriture" for "food". It is close to our "nourish" and "nutrition", and sounds healthier and more full of care, than "food". And there is the other domestic work that needs doing. Then there are the two grandchildren! They want to spend time with me! I feel unworthy of their affection. Why is tha

 Dec. 8 Sunrise, at the hydro field. On Monday evening I had a breakage of sorts, acting angry, losing it. It came to me later that I was not so much angry, as I was scared, and sad. Those emotions were large in my mind. I was to go to the neurologist about my on-going nerve pain, lingering still from the immune system over-reaction in August of 2021. In fact I was seeing the same guy I saw then in hospital. I was scared of the test I had to undergo and feeling scared generally of the health care system as a whole! I was projecting into the future, feeling my mortality, the soon-to-be ill health and death (sooner or later, right?!). You might well ask how a grown-up could be so overwhelmed as to "break". The next morning I felt calmer, ready to face the expedition. I was still apprehensive, but I knew that one walks through the thing and what will happen will happen, and I knew that I would be out the other side and would have dealt with whatever occurred. K drove me to the h

 Dec. 3 I am trying to remember how all this used to be normal.  Sharing the space with my daughter and her family somehow went from temporary to long-term, and I find myself, at .. (insert age), still waiting for a home that is just the two of us, at last. I know, that sounds selfish and not like Mumma Yaga, who believes in making space for whoever needs some. Yet here I am, after two years of enjoying more time to myself, more time with K, enjoying preparing "meals for grown-ups", which should totally be a cooking show, wishing that we could stay that way. We used to share dinner, all six of us, but our diet is now so different from theirs that I don't think it would work. I am slowly getting my meal preparation up and running, finding times when the kitchen is free to cook things in advance for our dinner. I am increasing our basic stock little by little, until I will have everything I need. The Six Points fruit and veg store and the Bulk Barn carry most of what I need

 Dec. 1 It took so long to get here, I mean in time. We walked through each day and used it up thoroughly, and then it comes to be November's end. And here we are in Toronto for the winter.  I feel as if we are squeezing in, both physically and psychologically, going from a one relationship household to a fifteen relationship household. And that doesn't include the dog. Rocky himself has six! I am sure I have said this before but it strikes me anew, most times. There is also the psychic space that we each take up. In Quebec, K and I knock about that ridiculous open space, house and woods, while here there are six in a bungalow. So we must share the spaces as we go about our separate tasks, the kitchen, the living room. The sunrise was excellent on our last morning at the vineyard. It is an ephemeral show, the colours appear, brighten and then are gone and the sun rises in a moment, the earth turning. It is visceral, mythical, and seems to bring me to a place of basic being. I a