221203 This used to be normal

 Dec. 3

I am trying to remember how all this used to be normal. 

Sharing the space with my daughter and her family somehow went from temporary to long-term, and I find myself, at .. (insert age), still waiting for a home that is just the two of us, at last. I know, that sounds selfish and not like Mumma Yaga, who believes in making space for whoever needs some. Yet here I am, after two years of enjoying more time to myself, more time with K, enjoying preparing "meals for grown-ups", which should totally be a cooking show, wishing that we could stay that way. We used to share dinner, all six of us, but our diet is now so different from theirs that I don't think it would work. I am slowly getting my meal preparation up and running, finding times when the kitchen is free to cook things in advance for our dinner. I am increasing our basic stock little by little, until I will have everything I need. The Six Points fruit and veg store and the Bulk Barn carry most of what I need, and I am not tempted by processed foods, meat and dairy. (We are working towards a vegan diet, but it is not happening all at once. We also try to avoid processed foods, which have little nutrition and a lot of additives, in addition to being produced by the giant corporations, who are bad for wealth inequality and for the environment. They don't even approach the "buy local" concept. Just check the ingredients, oils, salt, palm oil, and other things that could be anything at all!!)

I will have to try and return to the state of mind where this blended-family living is normal. We are allowed a small space for ourselves, our food, and our belongings. I have many things that I love packed away in boxes waiting for the day I have my own home again. Of course it was nice to let the family of children spread their wings and toys. It seems, however, as if my "retirement" dreams kept receding into a far future, even though I was getting older by decades!  

And this discussion dumps me at the bottom of "corporate/consumer-economy/poverty-and-power" mountain. Because, yes, being wealthy would solve the issue, but billions of people have so much less than we have, so who am I to cry? I am wealthy indeed. 

And so ends today's rabbit-hole dive....

Sometimes I feel like K and I are clinging to each other as to a raft. Then I get on with something that needs to be done and shake off the existential panic. 

Today Rocky and I have been for three walks. The second walk was in some rain, then as we neared home once more it tipped down, the wind blew into a storm and we got soaked. Rocky is not settling, seems to be more antsy today than ever - that's why we have had three walks! He seems to like the hydro field with its smells of other dogs, rabbits, squirrels, and probably coyotes and foxes. He has hardly eaten a thing since we got here, six days now. And he whines.

I made this bed for him by my desk yesterday and he seemed really happy about that, lay down almost before I had placed it. He shares our bed off and on during the night. I don't notice his coming and going but sometimes he is there and sometimes not.

On our third walk I slipped, here, on this little hill - I have fallen going down this spot more times than I can count, if there is mud or snow. Most of the time I remember to watch my footing, but I think that the rainy leaves were my downfall. 

This is one of the rocket ships that Robin and I fly to far-away planets. We went to a new planet yesterday and stepped in poisonous sinking-sand and met a cloud of alien purple creatures.

This is one of many squirrel condos in our area. 

And a fourth walk just before sunset, because he keeps looking at me. I am reminded, looking at this late afternoon sky, of the expression, "iron grey skies". It sure looks like snow to me. Probability is not high for our region, but these clouds are headed somewhere. Brrr.

Mumma Yaga