mumma yaga

 March 15, 2024 It's one of those days. I can't wait until tomorrow, I have to get a perm today. It's like when you need to get a new piercing, or, perhaps for the tattoo person, it's that.  I have not stopped to look at this before, this "do it now" obsession that grabs you. It has to do with stress, for sure. But what makes it a magic bullet? (What kind of a ghastly expression is that?!) Magic may be involved, yes - a spell to change the water, to cleanse the well. But not a simple spell, this has to be a physical thing, like a bonfire. Burning something, changing an element - from wood to heat.  ***** I find these temporary waters interesting; the stream that runs across the middle field, this pond that forms for several months of the year. It is partly that, as mundane as they are, in the middle of a city hydro field, they are nevertheless, somehow still magical waters.  Each spring I see young duck couples hanging out in these ponds. Are they aware that i

 March 11, 2024 Our first crocus: ***** It has been four years since the Covid pandemic started. It has now been declared over, by the World Health Organization, and by most of the world. But we are again under mask mandates at hospitals. I never stopped wearing a mask in all indoor public spaces, except on the few occasions when I have dined inside a restaurant or cafeteria. Although hand sanitizers have begun to disappear from store entrances, I carry some in the car. I wonder if it is a thing, that when a threat becomes too big and ubiquitous, that people start to blot it out. If a dragon moved in to the neighbourhood, you might just start pretending it wasn't there. Covid is more than a flu. It can leave you with long-term health impairments, including effects on the brain, other organs, and the immune system. Its effect on our health care system now and in the future is a huge problem which will continue for decades, perhaps, as people with long-term conditions continue to nee

 March 08. 24 Took the QEW home from Mount Sinai, while K was there, a familiar drive for me, but so many more high-rises along the way. A thing about being old, that places change, they become a future world. "driving west late afternoon edge of the frozen lake pale clouds grey over grey ice waves lock the breakwater the city drives the freeway electricity in its veins"  (excerpt from a long ago poem that's been knocking at my brain) ***** I am angry. I am angry about the sloppy work some of the nurses and doctors do. The first orthopedic surgeon who saw K when his brace plate was failing, did not give us the full picture about surgery, that it could be a good and permanent fix, instead they sent us home with a brace that did not support the plate, so it broke in two pieces, one end of which stabbed K in the leg muscle while the bone was disintegrating. Then they had the gall to say WE had refused surgery. We took THEIR advice, not knowing how it might solve everything.

March 4, 2024 The cooper's hawks are not around. Their nest is only begun. Please let it not be abandoned. I remember that in other years the couple has gone off for a honeymoon, usually a couple of weeks, so I am counting on them returning soon.  The witches are so far away, sleeping the winter away, robed in white, or naked and black against the hills. Sleeping, they dream the snowstorms, they dream of spring and new apples. I feel as if they listen, as mothers for their children, even as they sleep, for murmurs of prayer, for the singing of the turning seasons, the spinning of the earth around the sun. I will call the witches then, even from here. Just now I feel as if I could reach them with my voice, the breath I release pushing against their branches. A butterfly wing tipping the earth just a little. To write, it has been knocking at my mind for days. Today's words of wisdom: do not stop getting stronger each day. Exercise, walk, lift weights, and babies, stretch and curl

 Feb. 23. 2024 "Here comes the sun." K's surgery went well. He was kept in the ICU overnight, just precautionary. He is very sore, but I am sure that he is feeling relieved. He has a very long road of recovery ahead, but I feel more confident than I have since his second fall. The surgery he had in Sherbrooke, Quebec, seems like a dark ages attempt compared to the work done yesterday. Yet I feel apprehensive. There is a tendency for any medical intervention to lead to more problems, even if the initial problem was corrected. At this point I am having trouble being optimistic.  One day at a time is the key. I took yesterday off. Rocky has been squirrelly, whining and fussing. In the field there are two dogs that are in heat and I wonder, since Rocky sniffs and scratches all around, and chases them about, if smelling their scent on his paws makes him want to go and find them. Of course the busy household and my frequent absences are also hard for him to deal with. So he and

 Later on Feb. 21st: (...log, supplemental.) K is out of surgery. The surgeon said the procedure went as planned. Now, however, I am waiting to be allowed into the ICU to see K.  I am so relieved that it is over. It's rest and recovery, now. The weeks will go by fast. i can relax nd get on with life. I feel like I have my brain back! It has been running on periferal function for so long, I don't remember what normal mainframe function feels like!! MY

 Feb 21, 2024 We have been waiting eleven days for today. K has gone into surgery. Now I am waiting for the operation to be over. Then, we can begin the long journey to recovery. I am picturing K and I sitting on the vineyard porch in the early morning, coffee in hand, while Rocky investigates the latest messages under the witches. We plan to make it to the Estrie for the 8th of April to watch the solar eclipse.  Sunrise, April 8, 2021. After spending so many weeks in suspended animation, (as my dear friend, GM, put it!), I experienced a rush of emotion as they took K to the OR. The surgical assistant said the procedure would take about two hours. They are planning to take only some of the hardware out of K's leg and replacing the prosthetic hip joint with a longer one that will extend all the way down the femur. I am electrified with the suspense, having, it seems, only switched one "other universe" space for a different one. When will I find myself back on earth?  Mumma

 Feb. 13, 2024   femur Snowdrops in the frost this morning: a previous note on my calendar shows snowdrops on March 11. *****  It is almost six months since K broke his hip, and had a partial replacement procedure done, in Sherbrooke, Quebec. We came home to Etobicoke in October for rehab. What I have not told you is that K had a second fall, in October, four months ago on the 8th, and broke his femur again, below the prosthetic, just as he was getting back to normal. It was too horrific to write about then, so I didn't. But the second break is why the doctors arranged for him to come to Toronto for rehabilitation. (The Sherbrooke doctors put a plate along the femur to support it until the bone healed. ) It was excellent, really, that the Quebec care providers arranged a transfer directly to St. Joseph's hospital who would arrange for rehab. In three days K was at West Park rehab, a place near us. He was five weeks there and then they sent him home. He was still having pain but