mumma yaga

 August 27 From the porch at #48. Mumma is in hospital.  I have struggled with this back pain for five weeks, and in spite of three previous ER (hospital emergency department) visits and a doctor visit, I still have no diagnosis and until tonight no relief from the pain. But tonight I have been admitted to hospital, St. Joseph's, Toronto, and given pain meds that are actually working. I have been unable to write more than scraps of notes, unable to do most anything. Tamar, Nick and K have been taking care of me with kindness and patience. I am now in the care of a neurologist and we may finally figure out what is going on with my back. I still wonder what role the covid vaccine reaction has played. My mother and mother-in-law have been on my mind because I feel a new sorrow for the pain they suffered with their illnesses. My pain has nightly been as overwhelming as birthing pain, but without purpose or ending. It has sometimes subsided in the day so I can sleep a little or wat...

 August 9 We have come home to Toronto to get Mumma taken care of. We drove in on Saturday; 700 kilometres: K did most of the driving; traffic was light and uneventful. I feel so relieved to be here, in the safety of my own home, with Tamar and Nick to look after us. The doctor will see me today at 6 pm. I want to have some solution in place for tonight and have some diagnostic tests underway. There is a tendency to feel like a child in the hands of one's medical community, waiting on their time, their authority, to get information and results. Typical August in Toronto, humid, the air palpable, heavy with moisture, the sky hazy, a warm soupy wind stirring the trees, and the threat of a developing thunderstorm.  It is lovely to see Indre and Robin. They are well and enjoying their summer after their challenging but successful school year of virtual classes.  ***** I love driving into Toronto on Highway 401,  its eighteen-lane, life-blood main artery crossing the top...

 August 6, Friday Early morning, the sun has just risen. I gave up trying to sleep, sat on the porch, and watched the stars all night. I saw one falling, and there were faint flashes high in the atmosphere - heat lightning? Haven't seen it before in my life so far away or so high in the sky.  A couple of late fireflies flashed earthbound on the lawn. At three in the morning an owl who-whoo'd. Silver linings faint in a night sleepless and in pain. I went to see a physiotherapist yesterday. He said that my whole back and abdomen were in spasm from some initial trigger which has been allowed to progress from bad to worse over the last two weeks. The exercises were helpful and I begin to hope that this may finally resolve itself. It continues to seem like another or further gross overreaction of my body to something which should not have caused so much stress. A smoky haze shrouds the hills, while across Ontario and Manitoba wildfires burn out of control. ***** August 7, Saturday ...

 August 1 Well, not the camp road, the apple sisters and the mosaics, just the health challenges have been weird, and maddening! ***** I like this camp road more each day. Now, in the middle of summer, it is calm, with filtered sunlight and a soft-colour palette of last year's brown leaves underfoot and this year's summer green above. It must be only in spring, when there is enough sun coming through, that flowers can bloom here.  ***** This Thursday began the same way last Thursday began. I spent Wednesday night awake with unmanageable pain. Once again K drove me to Cowansville Hospital, once again we were escorted to the head of the line, although even then we were more than an hour waiting. All the while I was almost beside myself with pain. [At the time, I said my pain was a ten on the pain scale, but I have since learned that you have to BE beside yourself, delirious, to count the pain as a ten. So, a nine: thrashing and wailing.] I was given pain meds even before I saw t...

july 28 This is not a lost hat, though wouldn't it be spectacular! Today's bouquet is proving very popular: Then: "That is one tiny hummingbird!", I thought. But it's not a bird, it's a moth! The hummingbird moth. I saw one once in Dorset, UK, surreal then, and now. It is a sign ... ... of something.  ***** In the afternoon I took the "camp road" that goes past our neighbour to the north and then to a "camp" much higher up. It is easier path for a second (convalescent) walk. I came across a ghost pipe, we once knew it as an Indian pipe, but ghost is better on so many levels, not least of which is its haunting appearance. I cut back through the meadow and came across these three insects feeding on a white meadowsweet clump. The two waspy ones came face to face around a corner and there was a little altercation. The moth carried on, unconcerned.   ***** Last week when I had a couple of good days, I finished my second "Estrie" mosaic...

 July 27 Is this thing I have made something that has been made before? A hummingbird bouquet. I woke last Thursday in terrible pain and nauseous, still in the throes of my covid vaccine reaction. My hip had been getting progressively more painful for several days, somehow, I thought, related to the vaccine reaction, and in addition, I had severe abdominal pain. I decided I needed to go to a hospital; I was almost ready to call an ambulance. K drove me to Cowansville Hospital around nine in the morning. I was taken in almost immediately: the triage nurse could see how badly I was hurting. The pain in my hip was somewhat relieved from sitting up and moving, but my abdominal pain and nausea were no better. The doctor saw me within minutes, it seemed. He did a complete ultrasound of my abdomen and found nothing untoward. But he put me on an IV with anti-nausea meds and fluids, and ordered an xray for my hip. I had explained my vaccine reaction, which he said was not as uncommon as the...

 July 21 Yesterday there was a haze over the Estrie: there was a smog warning for the area - smoke was blowing from forest fires in northern Ontario. The air was still, and I remembered how there is often a dead stillness before a storm. We almost never get such calm; always a breeze is blowing. The birds had even stopping singing. Sure enough, late in the day thunder began to roll around the valley, low, rumbling and steady. Several brilliant flashes of lightning brought rain at last. This morning new clouds are forming and drifting up like smoke from the hills. There is once again a wind moving the trees and the birds are going about their business. There are beginning to be glimpses of blue in the sky and the maple tree that shades the apron by the house rustles soft then loud; all the trees are stirring as if murmuring to each other. ***** That bit of blue is gone now; the clouds are coming up from the valley obscuring even the closest hills. The trees are silent and still agai...

 July 19 Deer visited! They grazed by the wise witch for a short while, a fawn and his mother, still nursing, then two young bucks with beautiful little antlers followed. They were such a delicate caramel colour, dainty and fragile-looking, with small narrow faces, and skittish as can be, looking about more than grazing. They went on up the west meadow before long. We haven't seen much wildlife in the meadow, perhaps because Blackie runs free over the mountain, although I appreciate his presence as watchdog and friend.  K thought the hummingbird feeder should be taken down because it is not natural. I have worried, too, that the birds must get nutrients from the flowers but only calories from the sugar water, so it may not be good for them. Down came the feeder and I have replaced it with flowers from Rain's garden. (At the farm they have plentiful cutting beds.) I will have to keep the supply up, and supplement it with the day lilies by the road while they last. I hope the li...