mumma yaga

 December 29, 2023 Ten days since I have written. It feels like months since we returned to Quebec. It has been eleven days. Christmas came and went. I had dinner, on the 25th, at Rain's, though K, the hermit, stayed at the vineyard. Rain and Tal prepared a traditional dinner, turkey (one of the several they raised themselves), potatoes, carrots, beets, stuffing, and gravy, perfect. We sat six around the big wooden table in the kitchen, Tal's father, an old friend, and Tal's aunt. It was quiet and cheerful, warm as if candlelit, though there were no candles. The big woodstove kept us warm.  Fox slept through dinner. He woke just after we ate, and with his usual matter-of-fact acceptance of my presence, showed me his new toys. I was as delighted with them as he was! There were trains and cars and helicopters. I gave them voices, which delights Fox - he insists I make them "talk" some more. We put out numerous fires with the firetruck and helicopter, and rescued sev...

 I was looking for magic, in Toronto. Felt adrift in the flow of life these days. K continues to gain strength. He was back at #48 from rehab and we were adjusting to life withTamar's family. It was a struggle to move through my days without a compass, without knowing where the next month or year would see us. It is a challenge, too, living in the midst of a city after months on a hill by ourselves . I found magic, but I had to look carefully, because it was sometimes in small things. It was in the sunrises and settings too. The skies were always lovely and full of cloud and sun and moon. There are birds there too, as numerous as in the country. There were friends and neighbours too, which was very pleasant. We live a sheltered and hermit life in Quebec. So, yes, there were angels to be seen if you kept your eyes open.  Winter colours on bush and bramble.       On the sidewalk a print, from rain on a fallen leaf. Sunrises. The morning sun on the pylons. The...

Tuesday, 24th October A warm wind blows from the south. That brings rain. There are Halloween decorations on many of the lawns. I wonder - is there any understanding of the original meaning of the day any more? Perhaps there is a modern meaning, different but not less significant. It is a day when we can live with our demons and fantasies, in a culture where we do not deal well with death or evil. The important point is the expression of community, that people share with their neighbours by putting up decorations, and trick-or-treating. The more we connect with each other the kinder we will be to each other. K and I have come to Toronto earlier than planned to seek medical care, again. K is needing follow-up with his broken (mended now) hip. So here we are again in the Etobicoke house in the city, fitting ourselves back into the household of grandchildren and busy young lives. On the first night back I heard coyotes yipping, giving me the sense that it is not so different here after al...

 October 20 2023 As Fox and I walk up the camp road, I can smell the October leaves; a distinct soft and brown smell.  We walked to the top of the meadow and then came down, but near the top of the road, where it turns north and the top of the meadow is to your left, he wanted to be carried. "Gamma cayyie. ". So I hoist him onto my shoulder, since he is quite heavy for my hip, being two years old. Do I feel so frail that I am surprised by this competency? I can carry him easily on my shoulder. (When my children were small, if I had to carry them a long way, I would imagine that I was carrying them seeking refuge from war or flood. In such a situation so many parents have carried their children miles and miles, then slept by the road, and rose to carry them miles more. How fortunate we are to live in a safe country with resources for life.) And it is a surprise that I do all the things a grandmother should do, without every having read a book or been to a workshop! I am so goo...

 october 16, 2023 looking for magic walk the hill  call the witches leaves red and brown and golden are  returned  to  earth spell cast the wise witch saves apples on her upper branches for later falling a spell uncast  waiting for winter the sun came through the half-naked trees  against the stormy sky the guardians bare and cold are watching even in sleep the trees are present  breathing their slow slow breaths waiting for snow there must be  some dance or words or song  to find again the magic i once felt not so long ago before the world crashed in and broke the web synchronizing breath and hill call the name that has no letters draw the symbols on the stone draw the fire make the transformation  leaf to earth apple to deer vultures gather to fly south  how do they know the way?  we are lost without such magic to know our own way home mumma yaga 

 September 28, 2023 Now that the equinox has passed, we are starting to be up in time to see the sunrise.  We have had many wonderful September days. September is my birth month,  - so, notable - , the month of grapes, my childhood family's yearly day-trip to Niagara Falls, chestnuts, new shoes for school, new crayons and pencils, notebooks fresh, smooth, not yet dog-eared, nor full of scribbles and mistakes. Best of all are these precious warm and sunny days, when the turning of the leaves is beginning, and somehow not sad, a symbol of the equinox which calls to mind season and change, not death, but the circle of life. How we look forward, so quickly, from mourning summer, to some magic that comes with the autumn. The acceptance of season by the natural world is foremost in my thoughts. I have no eagerness to reach for a new summer. It feels perfect to be here now with the leaves leaving the trees and the birds heading south without any forward-looking, or hope, or desp...