mumma yaga

I am attached to material things. I feel the sentimental value of a tea chest, a ring. I have a bad history of losing rings and things. I now believe, since it finally clicked, after fifty-six years, that it began with losing a brand-new watch when I was eleven. Subconscious punishment? But I seem to lose jewelry with astonishing frequency. By accident or by intention, I have mislaid earrings, several rings, knocked and broken several rings, lost gems from settings. But, also astonishing, I have found or recovered things.  Fifteen years ago I went camping. I remember that I did not want to take my rings with me, because I'd be swimming, but I wanted them safe, at home. They went missing that summer. I searched the file drawer where they used to live, and I remembered a small purse that I thought to leave them in. I thought they had gone to a second-hand shop in that purse. I hoped that someone who really needed them found and made use of them.  Spelunking in the basement long-...

 Feb. 16 Sometimes Rocky gets me out before the sun is up and I am able to catch the sunrise. Lately the daylight is starting to peek in the window before I am out of bed - a reminder that we are turning to spring. ***** I am doing a no-spending month. From time to time the larder gets full, with emergency canned goods and non-perishables, or with extra food bought on sale. About once a year, I declare a month of minimal spending, only buying milk and fresh vegetables as needed. Anything else we will do without until next month. This time I have extended the no-spending to include non-food purchases as well. We can do without almost anything for a few weeks.  I am concerned about the level of consumerism in our culture. I have referred before to the book called Consumed, which talks about the economy-driving consumer culture that the big corporations contribute to, always advertising the myriad unnecessary things we are told we want and need. * Do we need to "perk up" our liv...

 Feb. 6 Toxic to viruses! Toxic soup may also seem a little toxic to the taste, because of the fierce ingredients. I make it whenever I feel a cold or flu coming on. I have had fewer viruses since the pandemic brought in masks, hand sanitizing, and social restrictions. I have had occasional bouts of cold symptoms but they have always disappeared within twelve hours. I woke yesterday with head cold symptoms (only on one side of my head!), with sinus pain and runny nose, so I made toxic soup, although it took me until evening to find the time. Here are the "toxic" ingredients: An onion or two depending on size - this is a red onion, ten or twelve cloves of garlic, chopped fine, hot peppers, any kind, as many as you can stand, chopped fine. Today's soup had three green chilis. Turmeric root (or powdered), ginger - powdered, but fresh is good, black pepper, good in itself, but also to "activate" the turmeric. I sauté the ingredients using a non-stick pan and a littl...

 Monday, Feb. 6 train song we have ridden this train for so long and always there has been in the far distance  vague and pale  a place where we are old and coming into that station  where we will rest and picnic in the afternoon but suddenly  (how did we not notice? forty years of distance travelled telescoped) the earth has fallen away the track falters the train goes into space and nothing  is recoverable our belongings are left by the rail side our hopes we stand bereft the life collection of beloved  trinkets are nothing  lifeless useless relics that i loved so much and i wanted to have time with them in my days  to live among look at each one far-off dreams to play the piano learn a song to mosaic useless mosaics  slowly and lovingly for no reason like a gingerbread castle just because it could be made and smiled at the track is not there we walk now off any path stumbling our way in uncharted wilderness  alone orphans we are ...

Friday, Feb. 3 Wednesday's dawn: Spoons! I woke up on Tuesday feeling well, with energy and purpose. Rocky and I went on our usual first-thing walk, and then, through the morning and on, I found spoons enough for each next job. I began the laundry, which is an ongoing chore through a couple of days, made home-baked beans, and salad.  Perhaps I felt better in Tuesday's sunshine. There is so much light, with the snow. Perhaps I recovered from whatever was ailing me. A vaccine reaction, quite normal, except that the symptoms were more mental than physical. I worked on the long room, which has to be sorted into keep, not keep, garbage etc. It is a move-this to move-that, so I can move-the-first-thing task. I have to be careful what I lift, not to over-do it. But it is very difficult to ask for help. I am used to lifting my own boxes and carrying my own baggage. * I had an excellent, productive day; I felt confident, able, and ready to face the challenges before us. One day, one ste...