200613 covid children what i did alexander junebugs fig

sat june 13. 

  

covid notes:

 in a rut? [covid day 97]  we've entered the "post-alarm-and-fear" monotonous phase of the pandemic, need a change. Need outside contact, need a safe party to attend that can last till the next day ... a ten-foot-pole party, or, a party where each invitee brings a pool noodle minimum length 6 feet, a "poodle" party, (and please bring your own chair, beer, opener and chips!)

  is six feet enough? 

  why does the jogger think its okay to jog within 3 feet of us?

  times i can't find my wallet, pre-covid, 12 a month: down to 2 times a month. 

  

  went to canadian tire to return a gift, and stayed to shop. i bought everything i could think of to see us through a year, so i wouldn't have to return. ...for a long time. a tent, several kinds of tape, clear-packing, scotch and masking, furnace filters,trapeze swing, diamond cutting discs for my dremel, for mosaicking.

  spent more than an hour in the store and felt like i needed a shower by the time i got home. many people were polite and gave 10 feet grace when required, others walked by, assuming that a quick pass at three feet was okay. but what if it's not? i wore a mask for others and gloves for myself and i respected others' distances when able. most of the floor staff and cashiers were young people. these youngsters are at risk for serious complications from covid 19, but are continuing to serve the front line. (not sure if canadian tire counts as "front line".) many more people in masks since the open parks fiasco.

[no segue]

 

 i remind myself often that the children need to hear ten nice things from you for one scold. otherwise it doesn't count. the scold doesn't come from someone with whom they are connected. children seem to ask you to "love me when i'm like this." but when they feel the bond of knowing where you're coming from, and trust you to continue to love them NO MATTER WHAT, then a discipline is seen as a learn, not as a put-down.

   some children will not be "put down" [in the sense of a put-down, not as euthanasia] and will rebel. but we don't want our children to be broken like horses. they will learn to trust and respect themselves as they mature, as they learn to trust and respect their grown-ups as children. in a sense you have to earn their respect and trust for them to build it for themselves in their own minds. human survival, humanity's survival, hangs by the thin thread of parenting. 

[n.s. non-segue]

  have become a proficient lawn cutter. actually twice this week! if i don't keep it shortish it will spring up after a rain like a jungle. i also cut it quite long, second last notch on the mower, because it seems to burn easily if cut shorter. so that means cutting it more often. 

  today i put my winter clothes away at last. they were piled on every surface in the bedroom but they packed up into only a few bags. safe and clean until november. please, no snow til then. another seasonal reference, i may not get my summer tires on the car this year, unless something else takes me to the repair shop; driving the car so little that it's not a big deal. on the other hand if we are able to go on a holiday drive this summer (dream on!), it will need doing. i don't know if the interprovincial borders are open to travelers yet. they have been screening for essential travel only. 

  also today (it's been productive!) i tidied up the children's craft area and put everything in the right box, and threw out unused scraps and trappings. the children flit from one activity to the next, sometimes joining them up. i try to pick up each day, but it only takes one or two days for the front room to become a disaster zone. the list of things i would like to spend just a few minutes on each day is longer than the day is! 1. brush the dog, would take 5 minutes but needs to be after a meal and a walk and fig is not a big fan of grooming. 2. keep up with the laundry, but how does it go from half a load to three loads in two days! 3. lift weights. they are 3 pounds, i just want to keep my arms and back strong, and though i keep them on the side table in the front room, it's so easy to not take the time.

 cooking with alexander: as i cut the carrots i am suddenly aware that my shoulders, chest and neck and even my face are scrunched up tight. omg, i thought (but in a picture thought, not the letters "omg".) i must remember the alexander technique and let my body decide what movements to use to cut the carrots, (remind my right hand to watch out for the knife!). it took a lot less energy, and my mind unscrunched, as if it too had been twisted and sparky.

  i learned about the alexander technique in an article about helpful therapies. i read a book about it, then i wanted to learn more. so i found a teacher in etobicoke. it is intriguing, and works to help and heal almost everything about the way i use my body and mind/body.

  so i continued my work mindful of my body, aware of applying the technique as i prepped the rest of the dinner. my thoughts had been elsewhere. that was probably how the tension got in. 

  junebugs. ah, here i am out of touch with the wild world. anyone living outside the city, do you see junebugs? every year? hardly ever? when i was a child they were ubiquitous in june, and buzzed at the screens in the evenings and got caught in your hair if they flew too close (flying is NOT their forte!) do you remember? 

well it has been a dozen years,  maybe two dozen since i have noticed a spike year of junebugs. except i haven't been in the country in june for decades. is that true? where has my life gone that i don't see lake huron or georgian bay for a decade. 

we were last at huron when fig was a puppy, ten years ago. delta, our third dog, never even went there, never learned to swim. she died of cancer at 7. well, she died of euthanasia, but she was going to die of cancer in a few days. (btw ((by the way)), the veterinarians and the specialists all knew that she had a ticket on the train, but no-one told me: they let me spend three thousand dollars to find out my dog would die next week. so fig is out of luck. no tests for him. straight to the candlelit ceremony.  (it's okay fig. i know better what questions to ask now.)

  sometimes fig thinks he's a big dog, like when he takes on a pair of dobes at the field, and other times he thinks he's a cat. he will only let you pet him if he wants you to, and he's finicky about his food! what dog does that? oh, and he meows. he barks if he needs to, to warn, or get my attention, but usually around the house he speaks cat. i am training him to be fierce and bark at strangers on my command, and he already knows "release", "off", and "safe", so i shall be able to call him away, (plus he's on leash and he weighs about 20 pounds). 

  why am i training him to do this? i am sometimes afraid.       - segue please!!!