230330 crocuses and solid ground

 Mar. 28  (...although now it is two days later.)

I realized a few minutes into my walk this morning, that today was a solid-ground day. It is interesting that I use that metaphor because my metaphor for depression is the swamp, where the mud sinks down forever, at least way past how far one's boots go! As I took in the pale warm morning, it felt like spring - so corny, so mundane, a few degrees difference in the temperature and that watery sun - how is it so thin and yet so promising? But that is the spring, everything is pale almost-green; we ourselves are frail and thin from the long, long winter. 

I will cook a capable meal. I have run several errands and accomplished first steps of other work. It is very difficult being functional two days in five. I remembered today that my neighbour had hurt her arm and I was a helping hand for some driving and the odd coat zipper, or can opening. So I was being useful to someone. That is definitely a signal that I am not in my dotage.

A note on cooking whole foods: there is a lot of prep involved and that is one of the challenges. One thing I began to do was cook my veg separately, beforehand, and before chopping them! Once they are cooked they are very quick to cut up for soup. 

I like to share a picture of my once-a-week curry bean soup, always delicious and full of whole healthy vegetables, a complete meal. I love the colours. Even if I am using canned chickpeas, and coconut milk, it is only minimally processed. Ideally I would use peas or beans and a "milk" of some sort prepared from scratch, but I am not always up for it. We had a salad of three prepared-from-whole fruits for our dessert.

*****

I feel, just at the edge of consciousness, waiting, the dark cloud of despair, everything broken, the world burning; that I am old and dying. But I will stay in the sunshine, in the present, where I can do and act, and put aside fears and desperate thoughts. The rabbit hole that one may fall into is a common metaphor these days, but the thing is, it's not real. That's the point. Rabbits don't carry pocket watches. As you head down the hole, it may be helpful to see it for what it is, and remember the rabbit, or Alice. Alice was capable and observant, but she was before all else in a place of unreality. I went down a rabbit hole with concern for Rocky, but the combining factors that drove me down were many and not relevant to the main problem. There were other fears and frustrations that weighed me down. One more note to self for the wall - look at the one thing. This is part of being in the present - this day. You can work towards a tomorrow, plan for challenges, but only in the framework of what can be done today. Beware of babbling rabbits and their pocket watches. 

*****

Mango peel. What does one, can one do with it? I think of the nutrition! I have found a mango peel pickle recipe on-line and Robin has had two mangoes and generously kept the peel for me. K and I were at Cloverdale Mall for a thing and I took the opportunity to shop. A store there sells mangoes by the dozen for a very good price, quite uniformly ripe or ripening, most with some red on them. When I see the price in the supermarkets, two dollars for one mango, I am speechless. Of course they have been flown or trucked here. I love to imagine the little mangoes with their seatbelts fastened, looking out the window of the plane. These come from Peru; the straight-line flight looks like the best option for transport, judging from the map. I wonder. I wish they would say on the box. There should be a LOT more information on our foods - their sources, sustainability, their pre-profit cost. 

Peru to Toronto - see the map, below. I have this map in my photo album for learning geography, and the names of all the countries. My "going to sleep" mantra is not counting sheep, but reciting the states of the US, alphabetically, then with their capitals, then the capitals in alpha order, but I know them so well, and it's the States, not my favorite country! So now I am learning the countries of the world in order, and recite them as well, as best I can yet, on my way to sleep. But I also want to know where they are on the globe, hence the map. I want to be able to say them by continent as well as by letter. I find that these recitals keep my mind off worries, which serve no useful purpose when one is going to sleep. They may also stave off dementia for all I know!

*****

Needless to say, perhaps, I tweaked the mango pickle recipe for what I had on hand. There was no sugar in the house and certainly not jaggery, which is a raw cane sugar. I used honey and a tablespoon of molasses. I had no masala spice, which the recipe calls panchphoron in the ingredients list and masala in the instructions, so I used my favorite curry powder. The chutney is a delicious success! I would reduce the amount of molasses, but otherwise it is fine, spicy, sweet, not at all bitter. Recipe is below. I love chutney, but have seldom purchased it because it is often a true Indian brand and too spicy for me! Now that I know how easy it is to make, I can enjoy a variety of chutneys with just the right amount of chilis for my own taste. I am thinking peach or apple? The possibilities are exciting! Perhaps it could be a base for a bean dish to serve on a grain. 

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[Indre was explaining procrastination. Then she and Robin discussed music - she knows the french horn notes and he knows the piano notes. (They are not proficient, but that's not the point, perhaps. It is the enjoyment and the love of music that I hope they will learn.)]

Today's activity was trains. Robin and I had a fine time designing and running a train set-up. He is a budding engineer, in both senses of the word! His great-grandfather, my father's father, was a train engineer on the prairies. My father was a mechanical engineer and designed oil trucks. Robin has an energetic imagination and an interest in taking apart and putting together. 

*****

My crocuses came out and blared their existence, but then closed early, when clouds gathered. A few minutes later it was snowing! How do they know, these little plants? Every year they bloom and then get snowed on. It is a tradition they must laugh about, if they laugh.

Thank you for visiting. Take with you the ideas that fit with your own and let be those that don't! 

Mumma Yaga

https://wellnessmunch.com/10-healthy-and-tasty-recipes-using-mango-peels/  I do not endorse this site as a whole, since I only looked at this one recipe. 

Mango Peel Chutney

adapted from Wellness Munch. com

• Raw mango peels: 400g
• Honey 175 ml. 
• Molasses 1/2 T (I used 1 T -it was too much)
• Salt: 1/2 
• Black pepper: 1 t
• Turmeric powder: 1 t
• Curry powder 1 t
• Ground chilies 1 t
• Ginger powder 1 t
• Mustard powder 1 t

Toss the fruit peel in the spices and let sit for half an hour. They saute them - the Wellness Munch recipe calls for oil here, but I didn't use any, instead I used a little water which vaporized off. After the peel is tender, about ten minutes, add the honey and molasses and bring to a boil for ten minutes. Let cool and put in a jar. This makes about 1 1/2 cups. 

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