201105 Contagious Changes

nov. 5

 A brand new day.

Robin had something to tell me about covid. He said "There is this word, 'contagious' and it means that something can spread. And covid is contagious." "Is that why we wear masks?" I asked. "Yes!", he said. Contagious: who knew?

It is weird having to share a kitchen. You wouldn't think that 30 days (in Quebec) could change the habits of 30 years, but I have become a guest chef in this kitchen. Today I cooked dinner at 2 pm (to eat later!) for K and I, that is, while the kitchen was free. We don't eat with the others any more. It is important for households to eat supper (or one meal) together to reconnect - for me this is a basic tenet of household living. But since August, even before Quebec, K and I have been eating on our own and the Tamar-Nick family on their own. What does this mean for our household? I wanted to eat grownup food and the Tamar-Nicks are still eating kid food: hot dogs, pizza and chicken nuggets. So we are doing separate dinners. Dinner-time is also when K is working, tutoring on-line. We do, however, turn up at the table at breakfast-time together, exchanging morning greetings, getting ready for the day. 

I have also been sidelined from caregiving so I am just the Grandmother! Nick does the school stuff which is on-line and he and Tamar share the supper/bedtime routine. It is nice to be just the grandmother and just do grandmother stuff. It has not been on the agenda until now, because I have always been part of the parenting. It is a good experience for Nick and Tamar too. I can stick to what defines us as grandparent-grandchild, and let go of the parenting role. The distinction is subtle but significant. Share my days with the children, but let the parenting come from Tamar and Nick. Does that make sense? My lessons are secondary, intended to complement the parents' lessons, sharing activities that interest us both.

Today I hit a covid-19 spike: ten masks in the wash, kids' and adults: I guess because of our dead-end  Halloween party. "Cul-de-sac", while meaningful in Quebec, just sounds rude in English: I much prefer dead-end for our little circle of houses. 

I am having a clean-freak today! I don't know what caused it, but I have dusted (something I usually do never!) and cleaned the kitchen, swept the floor, even washed the dog food box. Then I cleaned the washing machine and dryer while I was running the clothes. I think it comes from the "Kondo" I've been doing.* It is nice to clean the things I have recently remembered to love and not to be facing so many piles of stuff that had no home but had been here too long; or I never did love it, but couldn't admit that. (ouch)

This has come in a perfect storm of existential review and change. Changes in lifestyle, aims and dreams, and those stemming from covid-19, have shaken up who I am: so much is new. But I feel more myself, not less: grounded, the earth has stopped shaking for a little while. 

*****

Donald Trump dancing to YMCA: bizarre. Joe Biden speaking to his country from a calm confident place yesterday: a sign of hope. The sunshine and the warm wind blowing from the south: symbolic of a better future and a warmer winter. 

*****

Keep safe. Stay positive. Be kind. 

Mumma Yaga

Marie Kondo, the life changing magic of tidying up, 2011