200518 hawks heaven holiday hat vocation

may 18

  saw a lot of the hawks today. both parents were by the nest, and first one then the other dove down through the tree branches, wings folded, like a bolt, to suddenly change course and spread wings for flight. when they returned they followed the same path upwards through the tree to the nest. they call to each other, one calls a single note and the other answers k'k'k'k'k'. 

  the covid 19 lockdown has brought me a bucketful of happy days. "we get up at 12 and go to work at 1, then we stop for lunch and then at 2 we're done."* this is not really true but it could be. i get up at 6:30 or 7, and rouse the children, because we need them back in bed by their usual time. our day unfolds at a delightfully slow pace. at nine we go to the field and by the time we're back nick is up and ready to take the children. then i follow my to-do list in a leisurely fashion, stopping for important things, like meals and hawk sightings. strange, perhaps selfish, to find happiness amid the fear and desperation of a pandemic. but the rigid time-slots of life's routines are disruptive of organic play and work. perhaps under normal conditions the constant interaction with strangers is stressful and draining, as i run errands, and deliver and pick up kids from classes, while squeezing in meals and housework. so, yes, this covid 19 existence seems peaceful, calm. 

  i said to k, as we watched the hawks, "maybe we've died and this is heaven."

  this is the earliest that victoria day can be, the 19th of may. even so, it's wild that it was snowing a week ago. but today it is lovely, sunny and warm. it seems as if everyone is out! at the four-way-stop we had to wait for four cars to go by! that hasn't happened for eight weeks! my jobs for this weekend are: the hammock, the table, the mosaic, the fountain, swap over winter/summer clothes.

  i found my summer hats and successfully steamed and re-shaped a crumpled straw hat. i placed it over a wide mouth kettle to get fully steamed and then lay it flat in desired shape. who knew and didn't tell me? i never asked. 

  does elf know that she and cricket and iz, (any combination) any time, can come to us for help, or a place to stay? we are good at making room. elf has never come home again to live since she went to new york at 17 to study dance. she had to grow up fast, learning to depend on herself to get to classes and practices, accepting the social restraints of pursuing a dance career, but also finding a strong social network among her fellow dancers. in grade 8 she said to me, "i sometimes wish i could play with my friends after school, but i want to dance more than i want that." she was a cuckoo egg in our nest. she was also blessed to meet up with perhaps the best dance teacher in the world at 4 years old. the two of them clicked i think; he taught strict ballet and once she took her first exam with excellent results, she was there.
  when mine were little i thought that children needed a childhood free of adult stress and that any life pursuit could be developed in young adulthood. that was before tiger woods and elf and piano lessons at 55 years old. tiger woods began golfing at 2! all my daughters are, i hope, where they want to be now, but i have revised my approach with indre and robin. i want them to be thinking about and learning about their vocations now, to get used to the idea that one works to live, to drive a car, to have a home, and that aiming for a career that they are passionate about may get them there, certainly will reward them in human points, which may become the currency of the future. [read the dispossessed, ursula leguin]

*wizard of oz movie