230514 mother's day

 May 14

Mother's Day #1: I have always wanted to skip mother's day. My poor children were not encouraged to celebrate or express their love on this day, because I could not stand the hypocrisy of society! My objection is that mothers get no credit the rest of the year, and are blamed for everything wrong with their children. They pick up after, cook for, clean up barf (and worse) for the children, in addition they do most of the housework for the family, cleaning of bathroom, laundry, dishes. None of this brings money into the home or into her pocket. And then one day of the year, it's "yay, mom, we love you!", but not enough to ensure you have food on the table, money in your pocket. To see the value that society puts on mothering, you have only to look at the pay that day-care workers earn, while the mothers of the children go and earn enough to pay daycare and anything else that the household needs. Yup. If you add in the fact that many pregnancies are unplanned and at the whim of a horny man, it becomes an enormous burden for one person to carry. Now that the states has outlawed abortion it amounts to slavery, zero freedom to choose. Believe me, no woman wants to have an abortion. It is the most difficult choice she may ever make, but it is her only defence, often, against safety and poverty. If she cannot offer a child a safe home and food, how can she face bringing them into the world? A woman's job prospects are less because she is a woman and therefore may become pregnant and have to temporarily leave a job - the employer doesn't want that kind of interruption in productivity. So, less pay, less upward mobility, less respect. 

So, keep your mother's day flowers and your breakfast in bed. It is fake, fatuous lip-service. If anything, mother's day should be a day of protest, of demanding better care from society. We are not in it alone! We share the benefits of healthy well-raised children. They are the adults, the workers, of our future. We must share the responsibility of their care while they grow up. 

Mother's Day #2

I am uplifted by the Mother's Day posts on Facebook. Women are celebrating women, championing their mothers - so many lovely tributes to those who raised them, taught them invaluable lessons about life. This, then, is important. Perhaps when The Gate to Women's Country opens, we can walk, free and safe, in a new world. * Is it men who make war and kill, or would women do the same if given space and freedom? I don't know the answer to that, because I also can't imagine building a giant bridge across a wide, wide seaway, or building up a continent-wide trucking company. These things seem too great and heavy for me to raise. I have been immersed in the travails of womanhood, the caring for parents, brothers and children, keeping a home running, making music, learning about the natural world around me. But I can imagine that women would do some of these big projects. And would they then also begin to embrace war and promote hatred between peoples? I like to think we would talk, and share. That is what we have had to do as women. We have had to support each other and be kind to each other, because we need that. 

*****

I have often been only too aware that the EMOTIONAL work of life is often left to the women. The carrying of the grief, but also the joy, has been so much left to women. It is they, for the most part, who prepare the feasts, the funeral dinners, wash the children and the clothes for ceremonies, and clean up after the celebrations and funerals are over. They shed the tears for themselves and for the men, who stay strong and carry on the heavy lifting. These are not absolute truths, by any means. Growing up in a household of men, four brothers and no sisters, I was not aware of a lot of difference between the sexes. We seemed to have much in common, as fellow humans. And yet I sometimes feel the gulf between us, when I feel the sisterhood that binds the women in my life, when I see the difference in the work we do. 

I see a lot of variation within each sex, from emotional awareness and physical strength, to art, and vocation. The variety is wider there than between the standard stereotypes of the two sexes. So that means we are all capable of all the roles and understanding of both sexes, of what it is to be human, before being woman or man. This is hopeful. Can we begin to raise boys and girls to be human? Can we give each child the freedom to choose how to be, what to be, who to be? 

I am imagining now a man writing a mirror-passage to mine, outlining all the work that he does for his family and society, which he feels is his to bear, which women, it appears to him, seem unaware of and un-appreciative of. But, yes, I am grateful for so much that the men in my life have done for me. It was my father who took care of lawns, the lawnmowers , the bicycles and cars. It is my husband who manages our finances and the business end of the household, although it was my mother who did the books for my childhood home. 

My mother was the centre of our home. She was the driving force of the family, the homemaker. Here I am back again at mothers. Mothers give us so much to prepare us for life. It falls on their shoulders, most often, to feed and clothe us, to teach us, to protect us until we are ready to go out into the world. In today's world they are often the breadwinners, too, bringing home enough money to give us a home. But they are still the poorest of us. Society does not allow them, encumbered as they are by pregnancy and children, the freedom of adequate income and support. So we must turn "Mother's Day" into a day of action, promotion and empowerment. We have to give women the choice of when and with whom to have a child. When they are raising children they must have safety, food and shelter, for it is our future they nurture. 

Flowers for mothers:

Trillium, dogtooth violet, yellow and blue violets. 

*****

I had a table at the Mansonville craft show yesterday. There were artisans with homemade soaps and candles. There were a couple of woodwork artists, and a man who made garden ornaments from scrap metal, railway nails and stones. There were painters, cloth-workers and jewelry crafters. I was given the first table by the door, because the organizer remembered that last year I wanted a table outside. That was because I had to take Rocky. But now he is okay to be left at home. He knows now that he belongs here with me and that I will always return to him. It was very nice to be among the first to welcome visitors, and most stopped to look at my mosaics. I showed the children the Dog House, and the little dog hidden at the back. Some people asked questions or remarked at one or another of the pieces. I did not expect to sell any, and I did not. Still it was pleasant to share my work with others. I love it so much and would be a bit sad to part with any of the pieces. On the other hand, it is fun to sell or give away a work and know that it gives joy to someone else. 

Dog House:

My three lovely daughters sent me Mother's Day wishes by text. They are reluctant, because they know about my ambivalence towards the day, but I am coming around, because there is sincere and big-hearted love out there for mothers, and I am glad that there is a celebration day for them, in spite of the hypocricy in society's attitude. It is nice to give someone flowers. One of my father's main regrets after her death was that he did not bring his wife flowers more often. 

My daughters are all mothers now and excellent at it. They bring a thoughtful heart to the job, daily, hourly. I wish them joy and freedom from strife.

Mumma Yaga

Sheri S. Tepper, The Gate to Women's Country: excellent read - one of my top ten to lend.