230107 day 1033, Memphis, walking

 Jan. 7: Day 1033 of the Covid 19 pandemic. 

I am making a playlist of Memphis songs. But I am not going to google them. 

Talk Memphis, Jesse Winchester 

Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again, Dylan

Walking in Memphis, Marc Cohn

Memphis, Tennessee, Chuck Berry

Graceland, Paul Simon

So, five. I will trust that I stumble upon more in my library. The Beatles did an excellent version of Chuck Berry's song. In fact dozens of artists have covered this song. It is quite an anachronism now.

*****

How quickly one forgets what it is like to see the sun. But, wait. I remember now that the sun was visible as it set last night, and the clouds shone yellow. It has been overcast for days it seems. 

Raining or not, I walk up the hydro field with Rocky several times a day. He gets restless in the house, with the busy family, and missing the freedom of roaming about the vineyard acres. He went off on his own yesterday, while I took a few minutes to look about the garage for something. I was frantic, and called for him, and walked to the field and back. Then my angel neighbour called to say she saw him in the field and waited while I ran over there again. By the time I got there he was gone - headed back towards our street. Another passerby pointed to our corner to let us know she'd seen him go there. My neighbour gave me a lift home and there was Rocky on our lawn. So now he must always wear his harness outside, upon which I have written, in permanent marker, his name and my phone number. Why do I panic so? I imagine him hit by a car or stolen or taken to the SPCA (the pound), never to be seen again! Oh, the unreal worrying of the weak human mind. He is very sensible and quite able to take a short stroll on his own - that is his perspective: "I am not lost!", he says! But this is urban Etobicoke!

*****

When the pandemic began, I was logging the numbers of the days. Then it went on and on and the numbers lost meaning, as the years began to be numbered. It is now 1033 days that we have been under the pandemic watch. In Toronto, as in most of the western world, the people have moved on. Most of them no longer wear a mask and most stores no longer provide sanitizer at the door. Most people seem to have had covid. Surprise is expressed if I say that I have not yet had it! I can count on one hand the number of times I have been into a friend's home. No one but close family has visited in our home in 1033 days. My best friend only, and her husband, came in here, briefly, to see the gingerbread castle this Christmas. The Guardian, out of the UK, began numbering the days of the Russian invasion of Ukraine and now I am feeling for the editor as the days' number gets higher and higher. They use the tag line - "What we know on day -- of the war." They must wish that they had never started that tag-line. It has almost lost its meaning. No one imagined the invasion would go on so long, just as we did not imagine the pandemic would go on and on. 

It feels like it is all part of the fall of the present-day "Roman empire". I thought, when the moon exploration (by the west at least) stopped, then the space shuttles were retired, then the Concord airplane was retired, then Trump became president, that these signalled the fall of our western civilization. It seems to be happening. The United States is not a democracy, is barely now a major world power. Canada is not really a democracy either, with big business and the wealthy controlling the country, and the people, the poor, having no power to change anything. Perhaps it has always been an illusion that we were free and had political power. 

I cannot, just now, read Jane Austen. The social caste system, the privilege of the wealthy, and the misery in which the poor are caught, make me feel sick. And yet, Austen was addressing some of this inequality as she wrote Emma. Emma is conscious of trying to raise up Harriet Smith's position in life by dissuading her from marrying the farmer and trying to pair her with the pastor of the village. Meanwhile, the pastor sets his aim on Emma herself! But I cannot just now continue to read. We have not come far from that social system, although we pretend. The "American dream" asserts that working hard enough will bring you success and wealth, but for most that is a lie. Those who have broken through the barriers have often climbed on rungs of whom they know, the colour of their skin, their physical attractiveness,  and the blind luck of being in the right place at the right time. Much of the popular entertainment portrays a false assumption of wealth that most of us do not have - the home they live in, the clothes and furniture. Sigh.

*****

This morning I walked with Rocky up the hydro fields all the way to the creek. Walking releases the crunchy twists that age and illness have wrought on my frame, and clears out the anger and frustration in my mind and I return somewhat healed for a while. But I felt drained afterwards, and forgot where I was supposed to be, what doing. 

Nevertheless, in the afternoon, I went with K to Colonel Samuel Smith Park, at the bottom of Kipling Avenue. It is a man-made extension of the lake shore with paths, beaches and birds. It was very pleasant to spend time with K. (And Rocky, who enjoyed the new environs and different dogs. He could be off leash a lot of the time.) The lake looked very cold. Still, I wanted to go in. What is it about deep clear water that calls me? I want to swim; I feel as if it is spiritual or magical. Even in the grey cold, the water said, "Come in. Bathe.". I did not go in. 

The lake, looking west.

*****

That walk refreshed me, and afterwards I went out, to Value Village for a look-round, and to the health store, for their extra-large bottle of maple syrup. On the way home I made a short visit to my cousins. That was good for me, too. 

For dinner, K and I tried tempeh for the first time, in a General Tao sauce, (VH brand, very nice, but I will look for a recipe to make this at home next time.) with brown rice, and kale salad. Tempeh is a prepared soybean and rice product that makes a healthy vegan protein. It lends itself to many flavourings. The kale comes from California or Mexico these days, which is not ideal, being such a far-away source. It is so mild that it is delicious uncooked, as salad. It often has a delightful flowery fragrance. We are managing to eat a good diet: many whole, or minimally-processed foods, mostly vegetarian, and without oil, margarine or butter. I aim for five to ten vegetables and fruits daily, but some of our fruit is dried: raisins, dates, prunes and cranberries. I struggle with having to eat fruit and veg from far away. Last winter we ate Quebec apples and cranberries as much as we could. In Quebec there are many vegetables that are locally grown, greens even, from greenhouses, in winter. I have not been as strict here, because the shopping is fraught with stress. Of course, rice is not locally sourced, nor are some of the beans (or tempeh!) we cook with. I looked for canned Canadian peaches recently, since we grow them here in Ontario, but they were imported from Greece! 

*****

I am well tonight, feeling perhaps that I have made good use of my day, with exercise, preparing healthy food, spending time with K. I have connected with some good friends this week, too, after a few long weeks feeling unsettled in my new place. (Well, "new" old place.)

Tonight, the moon is just past full, rising in a clear sky. Of course that means that the temperature is dropping and tonight the field is frozen already, no longer soggy.

Keep safe. The pandemic is not over. 

Mumma Yaga

Yesterday, Robin invited me help him make some additions to his working "roundabout" thing made of K'nex, a sort of construction toy. It has a real motor that turns it. We learned about keeping it balanced so it would not wobble and break.