220829 a stone on the table

Yesterday, on my walk I came by the table that sits at the top of the meadow. Someone had placed a rock on it. I was shocked: angry and, I think, afraid. I assumed that it was reckless, trouble-making youths. I was angry because it is a very large rock, not easily removed, because the table belongs to the property and who, then, is invading the space? I was afraid of vandals and their cruelty. I treasure our safe privacy.

This morning, as I walked up the camp road towards the top of the meadow, I began to think that it was, perhaps, an artistic, or a philosophical expression. I found, on reaching the table, that the stone had been placed in the middle of the table lengthwise and towards the "back", closer to the woods side. It was a considered position. Walkers on the property; there are many visitors; might not be aware that anyone else ever visits the table. We leave no sign that we have been there. They, I assume that it was more than one because the rock is very heavy, left no trash or other mess. Maybe they liked it and wanted to look at it, or maybe they felt an urge to "say something" about stones and tables.

Now, I am shocked at how quickly I reacted defensively, negatively. Do I perceive things in the world as threatening to me? Is it the reaction of an abused, or hurt person? Do I feel powerless and in danger from others? That is very sad! I don't know that I often consciously feel so. It also provides insight into others who react defensively to events in their lives. 

I am certain that when I was younger, I was more often in this defensive state of mind as I went about my day. I projected a negative expectation onto others, and took offence or was afraid, when after all there was no harm come to me, except from my own fear response. Now, most of the time, I have come to expect, and therefore also perceive, kindness from others, friendliness, acceptance. My behavior is different too, I began some years ago to smile more at "strangers", though they are not, in fact, exactly strangers! They are neighbours I pass on the street, the servers and clerks in the stores I frequent weekly. Mostly, these strangers smile back. 

I have learned something new about myself today. I still can react strongly with fear and suspicion to a situation. I am interested in the roots of this reactivity. I am curious about changing it, to make my life less stressful. I was "distressed" by my negative suspicions of vandals and bad people. 

I also see more clearly how others can react to situations because of their hurts and fears. And then there are chain reactions, each person feeding the situation from their own perspective, responding with less or more fear and aggression, and so an encounter escalates. I wonder if, often, there is a kindness and understanding behind the fearful, distrusting reaction, and how easily it might be accessed perhaps. A small kindness on one person's part, a smile or wave, a share, may create in the other person (or group, or country) a less aggressive response. How can we, as we go about our day, trigger easier, more friendly interactions? Acceptance, openness, and friendliness would make our own and others' days easier and nicer. 

Someone put a rock on the table. They had an intention. It was an interesting sort of rock. 

My afternoon walk took me up along the ridge, to the table again. I took me, as I wanted to see the rock again. I searched for a suitable "response" rock. I wanted low key, respectful, simply: "I saw what you made.". Whether they were artist, philosopher or naughty teen, they placed the rock to be seen. I am glad if others enjoy what is here and see it. We are only visitors here.

 This is my rock.

The walk down the meadow is nice. We go by a sacred stone - it is very big - and its grove beside, overgrown with hay-scented fern, perhaps unused.

I decided to go on down to where the butter-and-eggs grow. There is only one spot where they grow in any numbers. I think of them as a late summer flower, after the birdsfoot trefoil. Just now they look thin, perhaps there are more to come. Sometimes it is not a good year. That sounds like a good aphorism.

Here they are. They are a favorite: I love their name, and their tiny snapdragon blossoms. The bee likes them. They are apparently too tightly closed for other insects - only bees can pull open the blossom.

This is a "witches' wander": paths and small meeting places amongst a grove of thorn and bramble. Definitely frequented!

Keep well.

Mumma Yaga