220708 the dishes in the sink - finding the words

July 8

I have been struggling to write for some days, but every sentence is left unfinished because of words knocking to be heard - like dishes in the sink.

Women around the world are reeling with the shock of the ruling that came down in the US that overturned Roe versus Wade. * It is notable that one of the popular television shows in the US currently is The Handmaid's Tale, a cautionary story of women's right to autonomy. Carl Jung is barfing with the irony of the Shadow like an elephant in the room.

In Canada, women only achieved the right to vote in 1918. To say we tread on thin ice is an understatement. We continue to be underrepresented at almost every level of power. We continue to be summarily killed by a male partner, often in full view of the police, meaning they have received reports of violence by the perpetrator or are holding a restraining order against him.

A woman does not ever WANT an abortion. A woman does not ever want an abortion. Yes, repeated. If she is facing this decision, then she did not WANT to become pregnant! She lives with the possibility of pregnancy her whole adult life, from her first sexual encounter until menopause finally confirms the end of her fertility. Every month it is there. Every sex act contains for her an element of concern that she may be taking up a burden, for, whatever joy, or fulfillment they are, a child is still a burden, to be protected and carried for life.

Does a man feel this each time he has sex? Yesterday I removed a song from my library because of these lyrics: " Just take what you need from the ladies, then leave them, with the words of a sad country song." *

"Take what you need" !

Sowing wild oats. WHAT?!! In what "fields"?

Roe vs Wade gave a woman some protection, a last-ditch choice, against being forced into parenthood without the financial or personal support, or personal strength, required for such a role. Her own body is going to undertake the abortion, itself a frightening physical intrusion. But the father of the child can walk away at any stage of the game. Yes, we can too, once the baby is born, if we survive the pregnancy and the birth, if we can bear to, after spending nine months in subservience to our bodies and the baby inside. But we cannot pretend or deny that the baby is our own flesh (whatever that means to us). A person who can deny a woman's right to have an abortion is only someone who has never needed one for themselves, or for their sister, their partner, their daughter.

**********

Sister's comin' home
Mama gonna let her sleep the whole day long
Sister's comin' home
Mama don't like the man that done her wrong

Down at the local beer joint
Dancin' on the hardwood floor
Her jeans fit a little bit tighter
Than they did before *

"Sister" has a family gonna take her in. How many women, no more than girls really, have been sent from their homes, beaten, or killed, because they became pregnant. They "became" pregnant! As if they walked through a spiderweb, or tripped over a root on the path, not because another person, a man, was there, too! How often was it the other person who coerced, or forced, the woman to submit to sex, with society's permission (through attitudes and laws)? If a woman wants to have sex, it is even worse for her: slut, whore, more nasty words. But not him. "Boys will be boys." becomes "Men will be men." Not all men, I will not slander or slight the man who respects a woman and enters into a covenant with her upon agreeing to a sexual relationship.

**********

An aside: the contraceptive pill has been a godsend for women in giving them control over their bodies, albeit with the downside of mental and physical side-effects that add more challenges to their day-to-day lives. (I looked for another word for "godsend". Blessing? also religious in tone. But maybe it should stand: in the face of the hate and destruction that religion (not a god) aims at women in our time. If there is such a being, god is not a man, they (gender-neutral) are just as likely to be an octopus or a tree, or a star.)

**********

From the moment a woman knows she is pregnant she is aware that a sometime-future person is inside her. To carry that person until their birth, to nurture and protect them until they themselves are adults is what she faces from then on. Many women have a family, their own parent or parents, or their life partner, and the money, to support them in the challenge. But millions more women have no such safety net. They are forced to return to or get a job, while having to pay someone else to care for their child, so that they and their child have food and shelter. Adoption, yes, that is an option, a terrifying and difficult one most often, as terrifying and difficult as choosing an abortion.

Is this how human society should look? Are we not all humans, with the responsibilities and rights inherent therein? We must live together in communities, with an understanding of the respect due to fellow humans who live and work alongside us, who help feed and clothe and care for us, as we do our own part to keep the community functioning, to keep each other alive. The problem goes deeper than the right to seek an abortion. It is our right not to have our bodies invaded in the first place: the right to have consensual sex, with a partner whom we can trust to step up, for us, and with us, if a conception results, in a society which recognizes and values our freedom to make such a life-altering choice of whether or not to have a baby. A society which recognizes and accepts responsibility for any child born.

I have blurted out my thoughts about this because it has been standing at the forefront of my mind and other topics just drop off the page when I sit down to write. The news had a global impact because, until recently, the United States has been a world-recognized democracy and power. Women everywhere grieve for American women and fear for themselves, that they may lose what ground they have, or have fought for, now that this has happened. It feels UNBELIEVABLE, as if there has been a reality breach.

President Biden (of the US) has today signed an "executive order aimed at protecting access to abortion". * It brings a small sigh of relief and hope, that there are some rational minds still at work in the US government. Please note that this is a tenuous toe-hold.

I do not think this state of fear, though, is going to fade soon. This decade has seen a lot of reality shifts already. Stand up if you can and be loud if you can.

Take care of your sisters. Take care of each other.

Mumma Yaga