220126 crossed over
Jan. 26
[I preface this with a brief back-story, for new and returning readers. I had a strong reaction to my second vaccine, in June, 2021, which I believe contributed to the back pain and nerve pain I have suffered since then. When Omicron happened and then booster shots were being recommended, I had to weigh the risk of reaction, which would affect only me, and K, who would have to look after me, against the protection a booster would give my family and my community.]
Today the sun is shining.
I have received my booster shot. I was a long time deciding what to do about a third vaccine, but my FEAR, and vacillating, stumbling, wavering, dubiety were a big cloud around me. (thesaurus spelunking) I booked an appointment anyway, about ten days ago. And gradually the cloud of uncertainty dissipated and the fear which was so present dwindled to nothing, as I realized that it was "do it, or not do it". An interesting progression of mind-set it was, some of that "cognitive dissonance" processing, perhaps, and that, faced with the two sides of the decision, I had to make it and move on.
As we drove away from the vaccination site, I felt absolutely as if I had crossed over into another country, a bit like Alice's looking glass world, where everything was different though everything was just the same: except the event had happened, the coin tossed and landed - whether heads or tails, it was done. I feel free, free of a weight I was not aware that I carried. It is only from this new perspective that I can see the enormity of that tumultuous mental and emotional cloud, made stormier in a mind blurred by the pain and medicines of half a year. *
I have full use of my mind (such as it is! haha), to put towards the mosaic projects littered about the place and to look out at the mountains and snow in the sun. I have been both crying and laughing with the energy I feel with each thought that springs to mind, energy that was being sucked into the cloud of worry and is now released back into my mental stream.
I feel happy, as if I am sparkling, like snow in the sunshine.
Mumma Yaga
: yesterday, perhaps a good omen: a circle around the sun.
"Babies are born in the circle of the sun, circle of the sun on their birthing day!"
Circle of the Sun. This link will take you to the song: A cover by Kathy Reid-Naiman
* Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass, 1871
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